To Serve Mankind
Jeff and Bryan – Manservants to the world.


The second challenge in the Masters of Song Fu competition has been issued. Please to find the details below. Either someone’s been ‘reading our mail,’ or the challengers have inadvertently stepped into a realm of songwriting pain Bryan is certain to unleash. One doesn’t have to look too far down Column A to discover what I mean. We begin again. More to come as it emerges.

Write a song that utilizes a repeating syllable (ex: la, na, doo, etc.). The syllable must repeat at least 5 times in a row (ex: la la la la la). The resulting “repeated syllable” phrase can appear anywhere in your song, but must be repeated in full at least 3 times within the song. Also, this challenge includes a thematic element. Your song must feature a conflict between two (2) elements, provided below. You must choose one (1) element from COLUMN A and one (1) element from COLUMN B.


Santa Claus

Miami Dolphins

Stephen Hawking

A Beach Towel

High School Physics


The Color Orange

A Toothpick Factory

Marc Singer










Your Kindergarten Teacher (must be named)

Albert Camus

Non-Alcoholic Lager

Doc Hammer


Well, you’ve decided… we’re good enough to progress to Round 2. Thanks, internet. You rule! Our next Masters of Song Fu challenge will be presented June 16th. Stay tuned. Your job ain’t done yet (and by job, we mean voting for us in droves).


Voting commences NOW! Head over to Quick Stop Entertainment/Masters of Song Fu and place your VOTE. You only get one, so choose wisely. I’d suggest listening to all the songs, then making your decision. Don’t just vote for us because you know us… vote for us because we are the best. And if we’re not the best, vote for someone else. That’s how we’re playing this game.

UPDATE – I found out (the hard way) that you can only submit 1 vote TOTAL, so when you are deciding, know that you can either vote for a Master or a Challenger – not both – even though they appear to be listed in two different categories. (Turns out Jeff’s vote went to Paul and Storm – which I’m not totally sad about – they deserve my vote – besides, isn’t it kind of lame to vote for yourself?)

Jonathan Coulton described his song on his blog… I think I’ll do the same.

TO SERVE MANKIND is a show about two guys who own this van and cruise around looking for people to help. We do all kinds of jobs (listed on the side of our van), from Dog Grooming to Family Counseling to Secret Shopping to Septic Cleaning… whether you need it or not. “No job left” would be an appropriate slogan – although Bryan and I are keen on “We’re Professionals.” We start the song saying, basically, we’ll find the problems at your house so we can fix them… our way.

(PS – this van does not exist as you see it… It is simply a cyber-prop, accompanying our first Song Fu entry.)


Here it is, in all it’s Jeff and Bryan glory… The TO SERVE MANKIND THEME SONG.

Read the rest of this entry »




Bryan and I wrote the thing Wednesday and I recorded the music for it today, with placeholder vocals where Bryan’s voice goes. We expect to wrap up recording tomorrow with Bryan here in the “studio.” We are pretty stoked about what we’ve come up with. Upon hearing the recording, Bryan’s exact first words were “This is the sappy-est song I’ve ever heard… and if I heard it on TV from the other room, I’d drop what I was doing and jump to see it!” He added, “Whatever show this song would go to would have to be comic genius.”

I re-read the specs for the competition today. It seems I read them incorrectly the first time. The deck is certainly stacked against all of the entrants as the first round will eliminate 14 of the 19 competitors. To be chosen in the top 5 would be incredible… but it’s anyone’s game right now. All we can do is hope the internet likes us. But despite the odds, we remain confident with our offering and look forward to the judging, which commences on Wednesday, May 28.


Well, we did it. Today, Bryan and I wrote our theme song… To Serve Mankind. In our minds, we developed a TV sitcom which starred us, two guys with a van, who make it their “business” to assert themselves into people’s lives and “fix” their problems, whether they ask for help or not. We never leave a job undone. And we accept all forms of cash payments.


Demo song to follow…


Well, we’re on a mission from God… not really God, but a mission nonetheless – to become the Masters of Song Fu – by taking on a series of weekly songwriting challenges, of which we have absolutely no foreknowledge. We will be judged by Jonathan Coulton, Paul and Storm, and Doc Hammer. You may know some of those names. I just received the first challenge…

You must do a song in the style of a classic television show. Not only that, but this song is the theme for a fictional television show about yourself (or your band). By “classic television show” theme song, we mean the type of themes found in shows from the 1960’s – 1980’s (ie Gilligan’s Island, Cheers, The Fall Guy, Diff’rent Strokes, Welcome Back Kotter, Greatest American Hero, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, The Facts Of Life, Green Acres, Gimme A Break, The Monkees, etc.). Your theme song must include both lyrics and music. It must run no shorter than 30 seconds, and no longer than one (1) minute. Deadline for submission is 11:59pm EST on Tuesday, May 27th, 2008.”

So there you have it – our first challenge. Who are we? That is very profound. I’m not sure we knew. That is something to consider, especially as we have to compose something that reflects us. Feel free to offer suggestions in the comment section of this post. We will take those very seriously – as, so far, no inspiration.

If you have any interest in checking out the official contest page, you can find it at Quick Stop Entertainment.


Today, we entered a contest called ‘Song Fu.’ They describe it as Iron Chef for musicians. We are going to take a crack at writing a song in a week, about something we currently know nothing about (it’s a surprise) against people who are probably way more qualified. But what they don’t know is, we have a secret weapon of creativity… God. Yep, he’s on our side, maybe exclusively. We’ll see. He may be endorsing other entrants. Wish us luck.